I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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