it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
