I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
