Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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