Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
