I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
