i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
