if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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