And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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