ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My vagina is officially offended.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
did i just pee glitter
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
