there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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