HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
