I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize