i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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