Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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