You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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