i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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