did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
