My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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