He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
wow bdsm is so cute
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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