i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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