don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You are the jesus of drinking
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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