Non-Jews are for practice
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
