Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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