I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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