he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
