nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
