Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's shark week go big or go home
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
