So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
