i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
