neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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