I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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