You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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