I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize