ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
