Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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