There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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