sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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