Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Drunk is a universal language darling
He did a backflip because drugs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
