What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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