i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
