I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
