I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
