Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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