Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
