We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
