I'm going to jail i love you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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