Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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