and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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