But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
