return my video game
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
