RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
