You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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