the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hell yes lets make some ravioli
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
