I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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