i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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