I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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