Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
