He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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