no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
