Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
