I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
