Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
