As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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