omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
