I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
