some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
