I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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