your thong is hanging out like whoa
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
