we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
