I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
