she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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