even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
