And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
