New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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