He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
