then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
